
Last week I confessed that I had never been in love. I have been getting hit up all week about this. People just cannot believe that throughout my 33 years I have never once fallen in love. I have been accused of having a cold heart or just not being open to love. That ain’t it people. I have loved some of the women I have been in relationships with but I was not in love with any of them. I am open to love but I will never force it. It’s not like any of us can force ourselves to be in love anyway. You either are or you aren’t. I’m a real one and I admit that I am clueless on what being “in love” means. Because of this, I have decided to explore the topic. I have asked men and women to give me their definition of what being in love means. The ages vary as well as their relationship statuses. Hopefully after reading these different takes on the topic, we will all have a better understanding of what being “in love” really means.
Mandy, 35 year old female who is currently in an 8 month relationship.
What does it mean to be in love?
Love isn’t only the magical, planned moments of lust, long looks, great sex, and smiles…love is truly defined between two people during the cold, dirty, uncomfortable moments that don’t feel all lovey dovey but require more of love to make it through back to the happiness. It requires determination to resist the flight feeling building in your chest when shit gets rough.
Are you in love?
I’m in love.
How did you know you were in love? Was there a moment that stands out?
Yep two moments that were connected…it was when his father died. It was only a month into our relationship and I don’t do death well but all I wanted to do was be there for him in any way I could. I helped wherever I could and even interacted with all of his family when I hadn’t met any of them under regular circumstances…and it all felt easy and right. The day after the funeral I was leaving for Houston for a book thing and it was officially our one month anniversary and he still found time to get me something in the midst of all that chaos and have it shipped to where I was staying. I felt like we had each other’s backs. I can honestly say though that it takes working on my relationship daily to stay IN love. You can love someone but fall in and out of love based on situations and character flaws (unless they are nuts like Pizza Dough*). To be able to look past the nonsense and bullshit and still see the man I fell for and all the amazing parts of him feels great.
*Pizza Dough is the name that I gave this woman’s ex boyfriend because the extra skin around his chin and neck looked like pizza dough.
Miguel, 33 year old male who has been in a relationship for a little over 2 years.
What is your definition of being in love?
Love is no hesitation, just doing shit. Love is support. Love is just because. Love is backbone. Love is sacrifice. Love is wanting to grow. Love is respect.
Are you in love?
Yea, my girl is a rider, that’s my dog. Don’t get me wrong, I love hoes, but I really love my girl.
How did you know you were in love?
Trial and Error. I truly believe you have to go thru some real shit with a chick to establish what love is.
Is there a situation that stands out that let you know you were in love with this woman?
For me it’s small things- for instance when my truck went down. Without hesitation she was like you could use my spare car instead of waste money on a rental. We were 6 weeks into kicking it. I realized this could be real, she was down for the cause. See I have my own shit. So when you invest effort and time, that’s huge.
Angela, 32 year old female who is currently engaged.
What does it mean to be in love?
Love for me is when you are going through life experiences good and bad and the person you feel you NEED to share these experiences with and talk to is your significant other.
How did you know you were in love?
Hmmmm well the above. But probably mostly when i started to consider him and his feelings even when he was not around.
Was there a certain situation or moment where you realized you were in love with your fiance?
Yeah there was a weekend…it was Memorial Day weekend and it was the first time we spent everyday together and had some conversations of him asking me to let my walls down and reassuring me that he wasn’t going anywhere blah blah blah and after that I realized I was in love with him.
Dame, 37 year old man who is currently engaged to Angela.
What does it mean to be in love?
Well my perspective on love is that the Right Person will make you want to be a better version of yourself. Real love is wrapped up in a whole lot of compromise and understanding..
Was there a moment that made you realize you were in love?
Particular moment would probably be the first weekend we spent together…I knew because at that point I didn’t want ANYBODY else and I didn’t want her with anybody else and her company was enough.
Erin, 33 year old female who has been married for 6 years.
What does being in love mean?
Being in love means being your best self, authentically happy and laughing to sleep every night. It doesn’t matter what it is, just laugh at something together everyday.
When did you know you were in love?
I knew right away. It was very easy. There were no “is this love” questions at all. I knew what it was and that it was different than anything I’d ever felt before. I guess that’s why I’m still here 10 years later.
D, 36 year old husband of Erin.
What does being in love mean?
Uninhibited selfless behavior.
When did you know you were in love?
Strong feelings from the start … I didn’t realize I was until I started talking about her to a friend.. like an epiphany.
Wilma, 28 year old female that has been married for 6.5 years.
What does it mean to be in love?
If you wanted something on a surface level I will give you my thoughts based on my relationship… I love Rich, I love him for just existing in my world, I love him for the experiences he has given me and I love him for unapologetically being who he is – from the person he was when I met him to the person he is today has changed over time (we all have evolved), yet regardless of what stage he is in as an individual, my love is still present. I honestly don’t know how to describe my love for him with specifics because it is just present – it exists regardless of an action or result – because I’m at a level where results, domination or jealousy are fading completely… I won’t say that it is completely removed because I haven’t reached that level of understanding yet… But a good chunk of those “love” issues most couples go through are not present within me… And I can’t speak for him sooooooo you have to get his take lol
When did you realize you were in love?
I knew I was in love when I realized that there was no pressure from him towards me. We were friends at first… With no obligations to do or say anything on the others behalf… So I knew once I realized that he had no agenda other than to be in my presence – that’s when it became apparent that we were on the same page… Because I had no agenda for him as well… We were and still are just present and enjoy that presence together.
Been married for 6.5 years… But honestly I don’t define my relationship by a ring… We got married for the message it sends our kids as being committed and other benefits as far as having a partnership in business terms that it brings … Do you get it
I think we would still be together if we weren’t married because this ring or certificate isn’t what makes love work… It’s what you think about love…
Rich, 28 year old husband of Wilma.
What does it mean to be in love?
My interpretation of love is when you are completely consumed by the urge to endure every moment with them. There dawg…short and to the point. That shit should be on a card or something…
When did you know you were in love?
When that urge became stronger than my desire to be alone or with multiple partners.
Andrew, 33 year old man who has been married for a little over 7 years.
What does being in love mean to you?
Is this a real question or is this your attempt to finally say you’re full blown gay.
It’s for my blog dude! That was really funny though.
Being in love to me means that you as an individual are so into another person’s interest and investments in their lives that at times you forget about your own selfish desires and even goals. Your life becomes about making them happy, which in return makes you happy. I guess examples in my life of this are, my wife could care less about sports but for the 7 plus years of marriage she attempts to please me, by not just trying to watch sports or know who Kobe Bryant is. But she records games for me, she makes sure she gets the sports package when we get cable, she will buy random team shirts, she makes sure there is beer in the fridge when a big play off or championship game is on. Every first weekend of college football she plans an event with the kids so I can watch the games, not because I tell her but because she wants me happy. She has no interest in sports but she does have an interest in me. That sports thing is small. There are bigger things. She gave up a career but that’s a long story. The same goes for me, my wife is into coupons and cute shit to make decorative shit. I have no interest in any of that but yet somehow anytime I am in a grocery store or I see a deal on the tv, I inform her. I also follow coupon people on my instagram and I subscribe to them through email, I have no interest yet I know this is something she likes so I pay it forward and do it to make her happy. Like I said these are small examples and they are meant to be funny but if you think about it the sacrifice of deciding to have a kid(s) or not have kids, or to put off an opportunity to travel because it may hinder another person. I think that is love. Hope this answered your question I wrote this while dealing with a class of Internet thugs.
Jevin, 33 year old male who has been married for 10 years.
What is your definition of being in love?
The ultimate definition of Love is sacrifice. I’m not saying giving up everything, but sometimes it’s letting the other party win, it’s being patient when you don’t want to be, it’s apologizing at times when you know you’re right, it’s listening to your partners needs, etc. If both parties are trying to make each other happy the relationship will be a success and that will exude true love. Of course it will be difficult to do this ALL the time, but it’s a sacrifice. Is the other party worth that sacrifice? I had a whole lot to say, but I condensed it.
How did you know you were in love with your wife? Was there a moment that stands out?
I had dated a lot of women and a lot of them played games. After those experiences I knew what to look for, what not to look for and to pay attention to the red flags. When I first met my wife I wasn’t even looking for a wife or even a girlfriend. I had about 5 girls in rotation I was dating. So when I met my wife she was sooooo cool we had a lot of the same interest and her personality was amazing. The funny thing is I was never going to ask her out because I felt she was out of my league. So I invited her to a gig I was DJing and she showed up. So after the gig I took her out to eat while we were out eating our conversation was incredible it wasn’t any awkward silences. It was like we knew each other. A lot of times people judge people without even knowing them and because of how beautiful she was I didn’t expect her to be as down to earth as she was. So we started dating. I knew she was the one I wanted to be with after we had our first argument. I know it’s weird, but I believe arguments are the ultimate test in a relationship. To think you’re never going to have an argument or disagreement is unrealistic. As long as you’re you and they’re them at some point there will be something you disagree on. If you’re with someone for a long period of time and you both agree on everything someone’s lying. After the 1st argument when we both got over it, I looked at her and said that wasn’t bad and I knew she was the one.
Oh and I felt like I was in love with her during the 1st date but I held back because I thought it was too soon and I didn’t wanna be a sucka! So 11 years later I know, it was love.
Gayle, 47 year old female who is currently separated after 26 years of marriage.
What is your definition of being in love?
Why did you just bring tears to my eyes… to cherish and honor. When you cherish the one you love you understand the value of their life and respect their existence. Don’t take love for granted. Cherish it and it will last.
How did you know you were in love?
Good question…I truly felt that my husband loved me by the way he made me feel. He was very attentive and caring. I felt safe. He earned my trust and I wanted to be the woman that was by his side as he grew as a man, in life and ministry. I believed in him.
Was there a situation or moment that made you say or think “I’m really in love with this man”?
I think the one moment I remember before we got married, is when we broke up. I felt very incomplete, a feeling I had never experienced before.
My momma, 65 years old and separated after 33 years of marriage.
What is your definition of being in romantic love?
Goal: Getting up every day thinking of a way to make each other feel special.
How did you know you were in love? Was there a moment?
Thinking of the person constantly and wanting to be wherever they are. Being around them makes you happy. Romantic love is superficial and unrealistic but feels good.
What’s the difference between romantic love and being “in love?”
You are in the first stage. A love that hasn’t been tested. Romance in a mature relationship is sporadic and necessary i.e. romance is part of the love relationship.
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I really want to thank all these folks for their time and contributions to the topic. I definitely learned a lot from all of these different perspectives. What stands out the most is sacrifice and unselfishness. When you find someone you are willing and even happy to sacrifice for, that might be the one. I guess I won’t really know until I actually experience it. Being in love sounds incredible but really really heavy. It actually has me a tad bit scared. Might need to avoid this like the plague!
PS. Don’t get used to this lovey dovey stuff from me. I’m hittin you with some gangster shit next week.
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