Tag Archives: sexy

Do it anywhere!

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Your relationship is stale. You are having sex once every couple of weeks.  When you do have sex it’s like a chore.  Routines fucking SUCK so get out of them. You guys need to try something new. You need a really good kickstart.  I don’t mean some regular punk ass date night. No wack ass dinner and a movie.  Plan a date of public fucking! No picnic unless you’re gonna do it right there in the park. No long walk on the beach unless you’re gonna end up with sand particles on your genitals (sex on the beach is dope but sand in your ass crack sucks). 

This is the spark you need. It is time to get adventurous and spontaneous. It will start as a plan but next thing you know you will be pouncing everywhere.  I have done this before and it is definitely in my top 5 dates.  This is the plan, you guys have to agree on about 5 places to try to get it on.  Of course you don’t want to get caught but the fact that you might makes it even better.  If you’re a little nervous about trying this then start with places you are less likely to get caught.  Even though you probably won’t get caught, you still know someone could possibly be watching or at least be taking notice that you were being naughty.  Some safer places are the beach really late at night or those lookouts that you’ve seen on all the high school movies where kids are trying to get their freak on.

For those who want to step it up lets do this!  This means you can’t give a fuck.  Pick a place and do it. We are breaking laws here folks and we just don’t give a damn.  Elevator- SMASHIN. Stairwell- SMASHIN. Drive thru- SMASHIN.  Ok so we decided to get a bite to eat.  OOPS your napkin fell under table.  Babygirl I think you need to pick that up…HEADY TIME!  Be open, be free, and have some fun.  Your partner is going to look extremely sexy to you after this date night, I promise. 

Here is a list of some other public options that you might wanna try out:

Baseball Diamond: I’m trying to dig her out in the dugout!

Movies: Of course! This where you were trying to get it on when you were still living with your parents. Be a kid again!

Random Restrooms: I’m talking hotels, restaurants, etc. Yeah the thought is a bit unsanitary but it’s still a good time.

College Library: Definitely not gonna work during finals week.

Tennis Court: Bend her ass over the net!

Department Store Dressing Rooms: Babe, how do these pants look on me?? WHAM! In there.  One of the easiest spots.

College Classroom: There is always an empty college classroom with an open door. You can earn that grade in there!

Cemetary: Creepy as fuck but I’m down.

Rooftops: Pick one! I know a couple I need to try out. Think about that view while you are pounding cakes.

Drive In: I really hope you’ve done this before but if you haven’t you’re welcome.

Forest: I live in LA so there aren’t too many of these but if you live near one go ahead and knock that out.

Parking Garage: If it’s the top floor then bend her over the hood.

Parks: On the swing, slide, monkey bars, etc. Make sure you don’t bring your kids to that same park!

Lifeguard Tower: They’ve been locking them lately, sad face.

Airplane: MILE HIGH CLUB BABY!!!!

Bleachers: Bring some cushions!

If you have more spots, leave them in my comments.   

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Squares Need Not Apply!

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I have only been in a handful of relationships and only one has lasted longer than six months.  Most have been ok but this one really SUCKED.  I always look back at that one and ask myself, WHY? The only positives from that relationship were she lived really close to my college, the pizza spot next door was THEE SHIT, and she had the NFL Network and football season was just starting.  This is sounding really bad but eff it.  The chick was just ok looking, she could not cook, her personality was shitty, neither my mom nor my friends liked her, and the sex was WACK!

That was actually the biggest issue for me. It was so damn boring. I really really love sex so you know it is bad when I’m turning it down.  Even worse, she was having the time of her life. As far as she was concerned the sex was amazing.  I’m adventurous. Let’s do it here, there, and everywhere (I have some stories to tell!). But this woman would not let me touch her outside of the bedroom.  When I say outside of the bedroom, I mean not even on the couch in the living room!  I remember heading back home from San Diego with her and I tried to get my pinky stinky.  This chick looked at me like I was crazy and said someone might see us. WHO CARES?! Those people don’t know us, they will never see us again, and we are driving 75 mph! I really disliked her.  Her life is just stupid.

A square chick will either be a single one or one that gets cheated on.  I didn’t actually cheat on her, but it was on my mind ALL THE TIME. The first and only woman I have ever wanted to cheat on.  I couldn’t take it anymore. I had to break if off ASAP. Anyway, I met a young lady pretty much the same day I broke up with the ex. She was only in town for a week, but in that week she did EVERYTHING I wanted that ex-girlfriend to do. I’m talking sex on the beach BEFORE sunset, head in the parking lot, and yes my pinky got plenty stinky while rolling around the city.

I do not care if you are the finest woman in the world, you cannot be too fine to get nasty for your dude.  That pretty shit means nothing after a while.  Don’t be surprised when your dude is hanging out with that wildebeest because she got that FIYAH that you were lacking. Now I’m not saying you need to be a porn star, but don’t be a damn square.  Attack us once in awhile. Give us some ‘just because’ head. Hey I’m watching TV, and then POW my chick throws my Johnson in her mouth.  That’s the kind of stuff I’m talking about. This doesn’t cost any money and I promise your dude will appreciate the hell out of you.  Step out of that square ass box, watch some porn, and take some notes.

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