I’m sure many of you have seen the ecards and memes with the phrase “Can’t turn a hoe into a husband either.” This is complete bullshit so if you have ever posted, liked, or agreed with this crap I question your intelligence. First of all, women please stop trying to compare yourselves to men when it comes to sexual relations. We were groomed for this type of transition and you were not. There are gender double standards and they are not going anywhere. This is why this phrase is ridiculous and false.
Guys step out the womb ready to rock out with our cocks out! From a young age we are encouraged to be on the hunt for women. The older males in our lives have always pushed us to play the field and try to poke any and everything moving. Even our own mothers and grandmothers don’t want us getting caught up in relationships too early. As a kid my male cousins and I would get asked by our aunts “how many girlfriends y’all got?” They knew it was in our nature to chase. It has always been ok for us to have multiple women in our younger years. It is not until we hit maybe our late 20s that the “when are you going to settle down?” question pops up. Now think about that for a second. This is a question that men are always asked, but have you ever heard of a woman being asked that question? It just does not happen. It is assumed and expected that we are going to be running around in the streets chasing tail. Give us the threesomes, foursomes, and fivesomes. We want as many women as we can handle, but it is also assumed and expected that we will eventually grow tired of that lifestyle and decide to find that special lady.
On the other hand, women are taught to only let the special ones take it down. While guys were trying to lose their virginity to just about any chick that would let us, girls were trying to hold on to their virginity until they came across that “special” guy (I bet none of ya’ll think he was that special now). We are over here trying to hit Wilt Chamberlain numbers while women are trying their best not to hit double digits too soon. The women that do not really follow these standards are deemed unworthy of marriage by many other women and men as well (that means she’s a hoe for all those wondering). It is completely frowned upon for a woman to be tossing her vagina around like Tom Brady (runs a spread offense and passes to multiple receivers, just in case you didn’t get that). These women are considered the “hoes” that should not be made into housewives. Those standards don’t apply to men so that phrase will never fit us. It’s a losing battle ladies so give it up.
Quite a few of my male friends have settled down and gotten married over the last few years. I look up to these fellas because they are really great husbands. They are faithful, selfless, and responsible men that have set great examples for guys like me who have not decided to throw in the towel just yet. Now I’m saying all that to say this, MOST (not all!) were smashing or at least trying to smash every pretty face or big ass when they were single. Some of these guys were really doing their thing, but in time they shut it down. We were built for this and y’all aren’t. So please stop it with that dumb ass phrase because you’re probably going to marry a hoe and that hoe is going to treat you like a queen. You’re welcome!
The girl, it is all about the girl. And not just that one girl, we want them all. Since day one we were told that’s what it’s about. We were told this by our brothers, cousins, friends, and even our fathers. I was barely 10 years old when my older cousins were asking me, “Joey, you get you some pussy yet?” When I felt that question was coming, my stomach started cramping up with anxiety and embarrassment. I remember wanting to run away every time it was asked. I was only fucking 10!!! Hell no I hadn’t tapped any ass yet. In the beginning, I was ok with saying, no. But when I turned 12 it was no longer ok to be a virgin. Oh boy was this some pressure. I always knew when that damn question was coming. At 12 I just went ahead and started lying. I learned early that you must have those lies straight because you are going to have to tell at least five more. You are also going to have to come up with some names and a legitimate reason why you can’t call that girl to confirm that you got them cakes. My lies SUCKED but I did what a real man does and I stuck to them! My cousins knew I was lying my ass off. But I kept those lies coming. I would like to apologize to Tanisha, Aja, Danielle, and Ebony because I had sex with all y’all in the 8th grade according to the stories I told my big cousins.
My cousins were so hard on me that when the questions came from my peers, lying was a piece of cake. I would say things like; “Hell yeah I’m fuckin. My girl goes to Palisades and the other one goes to Hamilton.” You always had to pick a school that was just far enough away from your school so that no one you told this lie to had any connections at these schools. And if they did know someone there, you better be ready for some follow up lies. All I knew at this time was that being a man meant fucking the most girls, period. It was all about getting the cat. This pursuit ran my life! This is all my boys and I ever talked about. Some of them were getting it, but my best friend Kevin and I surely were not. We couldn’t get a break! The girls were letting us do everything but STICK THE TIP IN! I still remember my fingers cramping up hoping that this would eventually lead to me officially dropping my membership in the “dry dick gang”.
This chase was real. The thing that really sucked was we were actually pretty popular. Well Kevin was way more popular than me. But since I was his best friend I was destined to get some sidekick ass, right? And BOOM that is exactly what happened. We were 18 (yes, I did not lose my virginity until I was 18 so eat a fat one) and by this time Kevin had already knocked down a couple girls. I, on the other hand, used my other hand. I can’t tell you how tired I was of lying about not being a virgin?! Anyway, one of the girls Kevin was dating had that trusty ol’ sidekick. He was house-sitting for his god mother and he got his chick and her sidekick to come through and stay the night with us. Little miss fast ass, hot in the pants (double standards are here to stay so deal with it) didn’t know me at all but as long as I was cute she was down. Kevin and I knew my time had come! I finally got my first piece of tang! Wooohooo! I felt so free. The details of the actual night are for another entry. Just know I was super wack, it was over in seconds, and it was the start of the lame dick excuses. Now this didn’t really get the ball rolling too much. I wasn’t knocking them down left and right. I was getting some every few months, which is crazy because I’d lose it if I went longer than a couple weeks without some now. Now that I had finally experienced what I had been lying about for years, the chase was truly on. I may have only been getting some every few months, but damn I was putting in some crazy effort to get the girl or girls. That’s what being a man is all about, right?