Let Them Go!

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First I want to apologize for the long hiatus. By the look of things my wisdom has been needed. I see so many of y’all making stupid ass dating mistakes. You could have just gone to my archives to get a lesson or two. Get it together people! Well I’m back and I promise to be more consistent. You’re welcome.

I am not gonna lie to you folks, I don’t think I have ever been in love. I have loved in a caring type of way but never the romantic love. And I am still not even sure what that is. Most of you don’t know what it is either (infatuated fuckers). Anyway, a few of my ex girlfriends (actually 2) have meant a lot to me. This means I actually give a fuck about their lives. Like if they are stuck somewhere in my convenient radius then I will come scoop em up with no problem. I’ll even accept their collect calls if they get locked up (hopefully someone smuggles them a cell phone so we can text because I hate talking on the phone). But most importantly I would never play with their emotions. So having sex with them is not an option for me. While I can just view the sex as only an orgasm, they may look deeper into it and see potentially rekindling a relationship. Even if she says she only wants sex, DO NOT DO IT! Unless you think the sex is worth losing someone you care about or them hating your guts, PLEASE let them go.

Maturity comes with experience. I sound like I have it all figured out now but years ago it was all about the poon. I didn’t give a damn about anyone’s feelings, I wanted them cakes! I have definitely told a woman I loved her to get some ass. I am NOT proud of this at all. That one I actually truly regret. The woman forgave me people so please stop your judging IMMEDIATELY. Another regret was using an ex that meant so much to me for sex. We had been broken up for a couple months and I had no intention of giving up my newly acquired freedom anytime soon. BUT I still wanted that ass. I knew she still loved me and I used that. I took advantage of her. One day she finally realized my only objective was my own selfish satisfaction and I became dirt to her. She could not understand how a man that once meant everything to her could completely disregard her feelings and emotions for a fucking nut. She was hurt, disappointed, and hated me. I felt like shit. It took a few years but we eventually became good friends again. I’ve made sure I never did that to another woman that I truly cared about.

It is not easy. We are men and we are driven by the vag. I had a buddy that was dating this young lady for a while. She wanted a relationship while he was fine with just sex and occasionally hanging out. The problem was they were friends and he really did care about her. My boy just wasn’t ready for commitment at the time. He was not willing to give her what she wanted so he needed to shut it down and stop wasting her time. He had a hard time doing this. He was comfortable with her, the sex was great, and like I said, he really did like her. Now he did tell her he wasn’t ready for a committed relationship, BUT he knew she had a weakness for him. She was in a stage of hope. While in that stage he could throw a rock at her and she’ll get excited. She is looking for any sign to hold on to that hope. I told him if he cared about her he must let her go, completely. He eventually let her go but there was a lot of damage done.

So basically don’t be a selfish asshole to people that you love. Go masturbate or get you a fuck buddy (check out ‘fuck buddy rules’ in the archives). That orgasm is not worth hurting someone you care about, believe me. If she is constantly throwing it at you, this is not the time to get your Jerry Rice on. Fellas, think Neo in the Matrix and dodge all that. Loyal and dependable individuals are hard to come by, so cherish them. On another note, I’m back in this thang heaux! So leave comments and share. If you have topics you want me to touch on leave those in the comments as well.

You Are Now Appreciated

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At one time I completely sucked in relationships.  I wasn’t a cheater or anything like that but I was just a lazy fucker.  I was the guy that did whatever he had to do to get the girl.  The dates to get the girl were GREAT.  Flowers, picnics, and basically just all kinda effort was put into the young lady.  Once I got her I became the equivalent of Doug from ‘King of Queens’ (one of the greatest shows EVER).  Seriously, all I wanted to do is eat, fuck, and watch tv (ok, that sounds pretty great…the LIFE). 

I was probably at my worst in my first real relationship.  This is mainly because the girl was just so freaking dope.  She was always thinking about me. Whether she was at a restaurant or Target, she was probably gonna bring me back something.  The girl would make me a Target care package full of of toiletries! I mean she would buy me shit that I would have NEVER bought for myself (never am i buying name brand deodorant or lotion).  I got two jobs because of my relationship with her, and here I was bringing nothing but hunger and horniness to the table.  I did not appreciate her at all.

I learned a lot from that relationship.  Most of all I learned to show appreciation for my mate.  If this is someone you don’t really give a shit about then please don’t be a dumbass and give them a title. Just fuck them and leave them alone.  If this is someone worthy of being in a relationship with then SHOW APPRECIATION. Please do not take this person for granted.  It really does not take much to show you care.  I promise if you don’t do it there is someone willing or at least saying they are willing to do it.  You do NOT want your mate to finally open their eyes and see that you aren’t worth a damn.  Just step it up and reciprocate some of that love. 

Now don’t get me wrong I am still a pretty selfish dude but I am forever improving.  It is really all about your effort and once in awhile putting that person’s wants/needs ahead of yours (except during football season).  Simple shit like picking up her favorite dessert can go a long way.  It shows that she is on your mind even when you aren’t together.  It may sound silly to some but so many of you assholes are coming home with food just for your damn self.  Dudes like that don’t even deserve a hand job from their girl!

Another thing I want to touch on is don’t start what you can’t keep up.  Like I said earlier, I was going above and beyond to get the girl and once I got her everything stopped.  That is false advertising.  I can actually make a whole blog about False Advertising and you know what, that’s what I’m gonna do. 

You’re Welcome!

 

Sexy Time Playlist

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As a music lover I have different playlists for different moods.  My playlists get pretty detailed.  I actually have a playlist for lifting weights and a totally different playlist for cardio.  Music effects my mood and production that much.  I can’t lift weights to jazz or r&b! I need that hardcore gangsta shit so I can effectively get my buff on.  The right songs can put you in that perfect mind-set for any situation.  This is why it is so very important to have the right playlist when you are on a date.

Your playlist will say a lot about your maturity or lack thereof.  If your dumb ass is riding around with your date playing Tyga and French Montana, please get the hell off my blog because you don’t deserve to even smell vagina.  I actually think it’s important to have two different playlists for the date.  The first playlist should be a type of cool mix.  A bunch of chill songs that aren’t too sexual and you could even get a cool little two step to.  This just sets the mood for an easygoing and relaxing night.  Feeling comfortable and at ease is a good thing and the right songs can most definitely trigger those responses.  You might also want to throw in a couple songs that aren’t very popular.  She’ll most likely have no idea who the artist is and now she is starting to think your plotting ass is cultured.  NICE!

The other playlist you need is what I like to call the SEXY TIME playlist. Yes, I am the first person to name a playlist SEXY TIME.  I am the originator! Remember that folks.  Ok, now If the date was good but you are pretty sure it is not going to lead to some insertion that night then keep playing the cool mix.  Do not and I repeat DO NOT throw on SEXY TIME if you really don’t think it’s going to go down.  This can prevent you from ever having a chance to go to the next level with that woman.  If you throw it on when she’s not ready she is going to think you want to hit, and that will ruin the nice evening you just had.  NOW if you are seeing signs that you might have a shot to show her your package later, go ahead and turn on the SEXY TIME.  Your playlist MUST let her know  there is no doubt that you plan on TAKING HER DOWN!  If you are as detailed as I, your playlist will flow from beginning to end.

Here are a few songs that are must-haves for your playlist:

Floetry- Say Yes (This is perfect for getting the party started)

Raheem Devaughn- Customer

Jodeci- Freek’n You

D’Angelo- (Untitled) How Does It Feel

Janet Jackson- Would You Mind (YEAH BUDDY! This one right here!! WHOOOO! You’re welcome)

Isley Brothers- Between The Sheets (This one will forever have a place on my list) 

Joe- All The Things

Maxwell- Till The Cops Come Knocking/This Womans Work (Love and Basketball scene, you gotta do it)

R Kelly- Your Body’s Callin

Silk- Meeting In My Bedroom

Raphael Saadiq & Teedra Moses- Take me (This one is my gift to ya’ll)

That’s it! My playlist is LONG but this is  all I’m sharing!  YOU ARE WELCOME!

What songs are on your playlist? List them in the comments section.

 

 

Can’t Turn a Hoe Into a Husband??? FALSE!

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I’m sure many of you have seen the ecards and memes with the phrase “Can’t turn a hoe into a husband either.” This is complete bullshit so if you have ever posted, liked, or agreed with this crap I question your intelligence.  First of all, women please stop trying to compare yourselves to men when it comes to sexual relations. We were groomed for this type of transition and you were not.  There are gender double standards and they are not going anywhere. This is why this phrase is ridiculous and false.

Guys step out the womb ready to rock out with our cocks out! From a young age we are encouraged to be on the hunt for women. The older males in our lives have always pushed us to play the field and try to poke any and everything moving. Even our own mothers and grandmothers don’t want us getting caught up in relationships too early. As a kid my male cousins and I would get asked by our aunts “how many girlfriends y’all got?”  They knew it was in our nature to chase.  It has always been ok for us to have multiple women in our younger years.  It is not until we hit maybe our late 20s that the “when are you going to settle down?” question pops up.  Now think about that for a second. This is a question that men are always asked, but have you ever heard of a woman being asked that question?  It just does not happen.  It is assumed and expected that we are going to be running around in the streets chasing tail.  Give us the threesomes, foursomes, and fivesomes. We want as many women as we can handle, but it is also assumed and expected that we will eventually grow tired of that lifestyle and decide to find that special lady. 

On the other hand, women are taught to only let the special ones take it down.  While guys were trying to lose their virginity to just about any chick that would let us, girls were trying to hold on to their virginity until they came across that “special” guy (I bet none of ya’ll think he was that special now).  We are over here trying to hit Wilt Chamberlain numbers while women are trying their best not to hit double digits too soon.  The women that do not really follow these standards are deemed unworthy of marriage by many other women and men as well (that means she’s a hoe for all those wondering). It is completely frowned upon for a woman to be tossing her vagina around like Tom Brady (runs a spread offense and passes to multiple receivers, just in case you didn’t get that).  These women are considered the “hoes” that should not be made into housewives.  Those standards don’t apply to men so that phrase will never fit us. It’s a losing battle ladies so give it up. 

Quite a few of my male friends have settled down and gotten married over the last few years.  I look up to these fellas because they are really great husbands.  They are faithful, selfless, and responsible men that have set great examples for guys like me who have not decided to throw in the towel just yet.  Now I’m saying all that to say this, MOST (not all!) were smashing or at least trying to smash every pretty face or big ass when they were single. Some of these guys were really doing their thing, but in time they shut it down.  We were built for this and y’all aren’t. So please stop it with that dumb ass phrase because you’re probably going to marry a hoe and that hoe is going to treat you like a queen.  You’re welcome!

F*** Buddy Rules

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In my last post I shared one of my fuck buddy experiences and I kept bringing up rules. Some of you may be wondering what those rules are or why there are rules in the first place.  Having a fuck buddy can get complicated without rules.  These rules keep the participating parties in check.  You do not want to confuse a fuck buddy with any other type of romantic relationship. This will lead to someone being hurt.  To further understand, here are the rules:

NO AFFECTIONATE TOUCHING

– I don’t even kiss my fuck buddies but that may be extreme to some. For all, there is no cuddling and hugging, no holding hands, and no resting heads on shoulders. If you need all that then go get a boyfriend or girlfriend. Affectionate crap like this will lead to emotions. 

NO EMOTIONS/NEVER GET ATTACHED

– This probably should have been number one, but there should be absolutely no emotions involved.  This agreement is purely physical satisfaction. You are here for an orgasm folks, that’s it.  Do NOT care about them.  If you have feelings for the person don’t even try to become fuck buddies.  If you are growing feelings then this agreement has been voided.  This is going to be a problem for many of you ladies and some of you guys.  Proceed with caution if you are known for catching feelings.  Actually, just don’t do it at all.

IT’S AT EACH OTHER’S CONVENIENCE 

– You cannot get mad if the other person isn’t free or if they have to cancel plans.  This is NOT a relationship and you two are not dating. Setting aside time for you is not a requirement and there is no need to ever give an explanation. Leave all that complaining for whoever is unlucky enough to date you.  

MINIMUM CONVERSATIONS

– What is there to talk about??? Nothing but what new position you might want to try. They are not your counselor so don’t talk about life with them, and please don’t bring up who else you are dating.  NO ONE CARES. GET NAKED. Seriously, the less you talk, the less likely you are to catch feelings. One more thing about convos, NEVER EVER say I miss you. That phrase equates to you no longer wanting to just be fuck buddies.

NO MEETING FRIENDS/FAMILY

– If you see me out and about please act like you don’t know me. If I’m with my friends or fam there will be no introductions. Just keep it pushing and text me around midnight. There is no reason at all for you to meet them and there is definitely no reason for them to know who you are.  

NO SPENDING THE NIGHT

– Get your ass up and go home! I don’t care how tired you are. When you are finished doing the do, you must leave. There is no waking up to breakfast and watching morning cartoons together. No sir/ma’am, put on your clothes and kick rocks.

NO DATES 

– We don’t need to be seen out in public together. This situation is for sex, so go catch a movie or get a drink with someone else.  Now when you get a little tipsy send me that text and see if I’m free for a session. 

NO POP UP VISITS

– There is absolutely no reason to ever pop up at the other person’s house. You are never just in the neighborhood and if you really happen to be in that neighborhood then LEAVE.  If you come close to doing this then this is a situation you are surely not cut out for.

USE PROTECTION

– Stay strapped folks. Protection is a must. You don’t know what they having going on. You two don’t talk much. All you do is have sex occasionally.  With that in mind, ALWAYS use protection.  And who wants to impregnate a fuck buddy?! That would be tragic. 

BE A FREAK

– Being a freak is relative. So all this means is be freaky enough to satisfy your fuck buddy or what’s the point of having one. Try things out on each other. Think of this as really great practice getting you ready for your future mate.  You are going to be THE SHIT when you finally get one. 

NO LYING

– Keep it honest at all times.  There is no reason to ever lie.  Remember there aren’t any emotions or feelings involved so there is no reason to spare the other party’s feelings.  Lying is completely unnecessary.  

LIMIT SOCIAL MEDIA CONTACT

– Please don’t like every single picture or comment on every post on the various social media sites.  Some outside party is going to start assuming something and you want to keep your business between just the two of you.  To avoid any questioning it might be smart to completely stay away from each other on those sites.  So that means no following and no friend requests.  

NO LEAVING CRAP BEHIND

– Grab all your clothes and trinkets.  No one needs to know you were once at my residence.  If you are doing this on purpose then please jump in a real relationship and go ruin that person’s life you loser.  

NO PET NAMES 

– I’m not your baby, boo, or sweetheart. This is a NO NO. If these names are uttered I’m going to need you to grab your shit and run! This agreement has officially taken a wrong turn so get out as fast as you can.

NO GIFTS 

– There is never an occasion where you two are going to be celebrating something together so there should never be any gifts given or received.  Oh, Valentines Day is coming up? So what! This is not who you should be celebrating that day with. If this person even pops up in your head during Valentines Day or any holiday where gifts are exchanged then you need to move on.  

KNOW WHO YOU ARE

– This is the most important rule.  You must know if this is something that you can handle.  This is not for everybody.  Some people cannot detach their emotions from a sexual relationship.  If this is you then don’t even chance it.  If you are not being honest with yourself then you for damn sure aren’t going to be honest with your future fuck buddy or should I call them future running for their life ex fuck buddy. That is going to be a complete FAIL.  

Take heed to these rules and there is no harm in referring back to them later if you have forgotten a couple. Always remember to proceed with caution. Good luck folks.

Marcus Graham

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Boomerang is one of my all time favorite movies.  The lead character Marcus Graham has played a pivotal part in my life. People this is no joke. The man helped me understand women.  He states, “The only reason stuff like that happens to me is because I pay attention to women. Y’all don’t pay attention.”  That is it fellas, just pay attention.  If you really want that woman and this is someone you are considering taking serious then pay really close attention. Find out what she likes. Ask the right questions and she will tell you. If she doesn’t tell you with words then she will tell you with body language. Yo, if she tells you what her birthday is, fuckin write the shit down in the notes on your phone.  Cool, you brought her flowers. Did you take time to find out what kind of flowers she likes or if she likes flowers at all? Those little things will go a long way.

Now if you don’t “really want her” and you just want to beat the cakes then you still must pay attention.  It is the same process without doing the extras.  You do not have to do as much as the guy who wants this woman for the long haul. That guy was using his powers for good, but you my friend are using these powers for evil *evil laugh*.  Let’s change evil to good times. There is nothing evil about getting that pie. This is easy my guy. Just make sure you are talking about subjects that interest her. Get her to start giggling. Say something clever. Take her on a date doing something she really enjoys. Even better make the date something she always wanted to do but just never had the chance to. Just pay attention. Sometimes you will even realize that she is not interested at all or is not giving up the snacks, and if you are PAYING ATTENTION you will come to the conclusion you are wasting your time with this one.

Guys, both of you, remember to always pay attention in the bedroom.  If the chick is reacting favorably to something you are doing then keep doing the shit. Do NOT start trying new tricks and end up fucking up the groove.  Try something else when that reaction is wearing down.  Don’t be the idiot that my female friends talk about that just did 5 different sexual positions in 5 minutes.  Dude get it together, calm down, and pay attention!  And go watch Boomerang so you can get some lessons from the master Marcus Graham. Just ignore when he slipped up with Jacqueline. That is definitely not the point of this post.

Get Out This Weekend!

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Joe Dates is showing y’all some weekend love so appreciate me suckas! Since I got such a good response from last week’s post, I have decided to do this every Friday. So every Friday if you want to see what is going on for the weekend jump on JoeDates.org.  NO MORE WACK DATES! Enjoy the weekend folks.

Friday Aug. 9, 2013

Brea Fest: A Taste of the Arts

Date: Friday, August 16, 2013

Time: 6:30 PM to 10:00 PM

Venue: Brea Civic and Cultural Center, Brea, CA

Address: Civic Center Circle,Brea,CA, 92822

Websitehttp://www.cityofbrea.net/CivicAlerts.aspx?AID=65

Brea Fest is a family event that is Brea’s most “tastiest” celebration and party of the year. Guests are invited to sample delicious food and beverages from over 30 area restaurants and features two outdoor bands, live music and exhibition in the… more

Friday Night Sing Alongs: Movie Musicals

Date: Friday, August 16, 2013

Time: 6:30 PM to 8:00 PM

Venue: W.M. Keck Amphitheatre at Walt Disney Concert Hall, Los Angeles, CA

Address: 111 S. Grand Ave.,Los Angeles,CA, 90012

Websitehttp://www.musiccenter.org/events/activearts/friday-night-sing-alongs/

FRIDAY NIGHT SING-ALONGS: Movie Musicals August 16, 2013 W.M. Keck Amphitheatre Walt Disney Concert Hall FREE 6:30 – 8:00 p.m. Let your voice be heard along with hundreds of fellow fun-loving songbirds! It’s time to belt out your favorite tunes from… more

Family Fun Food Truck Night

Date: Friday, August 16, 2013

Time: 5:00 PM to 10:00 PM

Venue: Visitation School and Parish Grounds, Los Angeles, CA

Address: 8740 Emerson Ave.,Los Angeles,CA, 90045

Websitehttp://www.visitationschool.org

JOIN US Friday, August 16th, 5-10pm -14 Gourmet Food Trucks -Music by the AWESOME ‘Good Cop Bad Cop’ Band http://gcbcband.com/ -O’Malley’s Pub -Dessert Stop Cafe -Melissa’s Airbrush Tattoos -Fantastic Fig & Newton Magician -Hoop Dancing with Josie… more

Dinner and a Movie

Make the most of summer at L.A. LIVE with the $30 Dinner and a Movie package!

Date: Friday, August 16, 2013

Time: 5:00 PM

Venue: L.A. LIVE, Los Angeles, CA

Address: 800 W. Olympic Blvd.,Los Angeles,CA, 90015

Website: http://www.lalive.com/dinnerandamovie

Fusion Fridays

Date: Friday, August 16, 2013

Time: 7:30 AM to 10:30 PM

Venue: Pacific Asia Museum, Pasadena, CA

Websitehttp://www.pacificasiamuseum.org/_calendar/fusionfridays.aspx

Address: 46 N. Los Robles Ave.,Pasadena,CA, 91101

Summer Nights 2013 7:30-10:30 p.m. Free to members, $15 for nonmembers Join us for Pacific Asia Museum’s fourth season of our popular Fusion Friday series! Enjoy a dynamic mix of art in the galleries, live performances and interactive experiences,…more

Fiesta Fridays – Every Third Friday of the Month!

Date: Friday, August 16, 2013

Time: 10:00 AM

Venue: Boyle Avenue, Los Angeles, CA

Address: Corner of 1st Street and Boyle Ave,Los Angeles,CA, 90033

Websitehttp://festivalnet.com/63264/Los-Angeles-California/Music-and-Art-Festivals/Fiesta-Fridays-Every-Third-Friday-of-the-Month?fn=fn01058

The event is located right outside of the Mariachi Plaza Gold Line Subway Station at the corner of 1ST Street & Boyle Ave. Great location with amazing foot traffic. International Food Vendors welcome and art, craft, or fashion businesses, vendors… more

“Creative Nite Out”

Date: Friday, August 16, 2013

Time: 7:00 PM to 9:00 PM

Venue: Dysonna City Art Gallery, Los Angeles, CA

Address: 5373 Wilshire Blvd.,Los Angeles,CA, 90036

Websitehttp://www.dysonnacityartgallery.com

Hey there, Are you looking for a great girl’s night out? Come out to Dysonna City Art Gallery and have a fun night of painting. We will also serve wine and food, so a great way to have fun. We will also have the wonderfully funny Leslie Jones, here… more

Friday Frenzy Standup Comedy

Date: Friday, August 16, 2013

Time: 8:30 PM

Venue: OH My Ribs! Entertainment, Los Angeles, CA

Address: 6468 Santa Monica Blvd.,Los Angeles,CA, 90038

Websitehttp://www.ohmyribs.com

Come to The Ribs! for Friday Frenzy! Please join us for an awesome night of comedy featuring some of the best standup comics in town! THIS Week: Lineup TBA and hosted by Lisa Gopman! Admission is $8 Doors at 8PM, Show starts at 8:30! Stick Around For Karaoke!

Murder Mystery Dinner Show – Dinner Detective Orange …

Date: Friday, August 16, 2013

Time: 6:00 PM to 9:00 PM

Venue: Embassy Suites, Orange County, Santa Ana, CA

Address: 1325 E. Dyer Rd.,Santa Ana,CA, 92705

Websitehttp://www.thedinnerdetective.com

America’s largest, award-winning, interactive comedic murder mystery dinner show is now playing every Saturdaynight and select Fridays. Unlike other dinner shows, here you will find no cheesy costumes, no campy dialogue and no hokey songs. Our… more

Summer Concert Series at the Hyatt Regency Newport …

Date: Friday, August 16, 2013

Time: 7:30 PM

Venue: Hyatt Regency-Newport Beach, Newport Beach, CA

Address: 1107 Jamboree Rd.,Newport Beach,CA, 92660

Websitehttp://www.series.hyattconcerts.com

You’re invited to experience the Newport Beach Summer Concert Series at the completely renovated Hyatt Regency Newport Beach! From June to October, you can enjoy summer evenings and nights listening to talented musicians, enjoying delicious food… more

Rum & Reggae

Date: Friday, August 16, 2013

Time: 6:00 PM to 10:00 PM

Venue: Renaissance ClubSport, Aliso Viejo, CA

Address: 50 Enterprise,Aliso Viejo,CA, 92656

Websitehttp://www.renaissanceclubsport.com/aliso-viejo

Let the island-style celebration begin! Join us for National Rum Day with live entertainment by Entropy and, of course, our inspired rum cocktails. R Spa will be celebrating with us, featuring a trunk show showcasing Dino apparel, Designer Brooke Rodd, and Coola sun care products.

Saturday Aug. 17, 2013

LA Taco Festival™ 2013

Date: Saturday, August 17, 2013

Time: 12:00 PM to 8:00 PM

Venue: Mariachi Plaza, Los Angeles, CA

Address: E 1st St. and N Boyle Ave.,Los Angeles,CA, 90033

Websitehttps://www.latacofestival.com

Please join us for the 3rd Annual Taco Festival in Los Angeles, welcoming back our favorite taco restaurants PINCHES TACOS, TACOS CANDELAS and the addition of ten new taco vendors! Featuring live music, artists, community resources and more!

Chinatown Summer Nights

Date: Saturday, August 17, 2013

Time: 5:00 PM to 11:55 PM ·

Venue: Los Angeles Chinatown, Los Angeles, CA

Address: 951 N. Broadway,Los Angeles,CA, 90012

Websitehttp://www.experiencela.com/calendar/event/54086

LA Chinatown Sizzles this Summer with the Chinatown Summer NIghts Series presented by LA Chinatown and Kcrw 89.9 Fm. Named one of the best summer parties in Los Angeles, Chinatown Summer Nights returns for threeSaturday nights of immersive music,… more

5k Foam Fest – Los Angeles 2013

Date: Saturday, August 17, 2013

Time: 8:00 AM

Venue: Fairplex, Pomona, CA

Address: 1101 W. McKinley Ave.,Pomona,CA, 91768

Websitehttp://5kfoamfest.com/Location/Index/18

All Roads Lead To Foam!!! The 5k Foam Fest is the newest and craziest race to hit the nation! Smiling and running don’t usually go hand in hand but the 5K Foam Fest is an amazing mix of foam, mud and obstacles thus making fitness fun. Whether you… more

BODIES…The Exhibition and Titanic The Experience

Date: Saturday, August 17, 2013

Time: 10:00 AM to 10:00 PM

Venue: Movieland Wax Museum, Buena Park, CA

Address: 7711 Beach Blvd.,Buena Park,CA, 90620

Websitehttp://www.BuenaParkExhibitions.com

BODIES…The Exhibition brings guests face to face with the miraculous machine we call the human body, showcasing real, full-body specimens and organs that provide a three-dimensional vision of the human form. Titanic The Experience allows visitors to… more

52nd Annual Watermelon Festival

Date: Saturday, August 17, 2013

Time: 10:00 AM to 10:00 PM

Venue: Pasadena Rose Bowl, Alhambra, CA

Address: Main Street,Alhambra,CA, 91103

Websitehttp://lionswatermelonfestival.com/

A family oriented community festival hosted by the Sunland-Tujunga Lions Club to raise money for charitable and service activities. It features free entertainment, international food, marketplace, beer, free cold watermelon and drawings. There are… more

Flights & Sounds Summer Festival

Date: Saturday, August 17, 2013

Time: 6:00 PM to 9:00 PM

Venue: Orange County Great Park, Irvine, CA

Address: 6950 Marine way,Irvine,CA, 92618

Websitehttp://www.ocgp.org/events/flights-sounds-summer-festival/2013-08-10/

The Orange County Great Park is excited to welcome back the sixth annual Flights & Sounds Summer Festival, presenting a diverse lineup of world, ska, reggae, pop and indie artists performing on the Terraced Lawn on Saturday nights, August 10, 17, 24… more

Ribs, Pigs & Watermelon – Beer Festival

Date: Saturday, August 17, 2013

Time: 12:00 PM to 10:00 PM

Venue: Huntington Beach Pier, Huntington Beach, CA

Address: 400 Pacific Coast Hwy.,Huntington Beach,CA, 90809

Websitehttp://www.rpwbbq.com

The weekend of August 16th thru 18th beach goers will have the chance to revel in enjoyment of professionally prepared BBQ treats, craft beers and ice cold watermelon in Huntington Beach. American Family Housing will be hosting their 2nd annual… more

 Sunday Aug. 18, 2013

Los Angeles TME Fashion Show

Date: Sunday, August 18, 2013

Time: 2:00 PM

Venue: Edge Grip Studio, Los Angeles, CA

Address: 1188 S. Longwood Ave.,Los Angeles,CA, 90019

Enjoy back to back fashion shows at an intimate studio in mid-city LA. Aside from front row the seats are first come first serve so get there early.

French Quarter Crawfish Boil

Date: Sunday, August 18, 2013

Time: 3:00 PM

Venue: The Other Door, Los Angeles, CA

Address: 10437 Burbank Blvd.,Los Angeles,CA, 91601

Websitehttp://www.theotherdoorbar.com/calendar/day/20130818/

Its our monthly New Orleans crawfish boil, with all the fixins, refreshing craft beer, and exquisite classic cocktails! Supplies are limited, but crawfish will be reserved for ticketholders – so if you want to be sure to get your share of the… more

5k Foam Fest – Los Angeles 2013

Date: Sunday, August 18, 2013

Time: 6:00 AM

Venue: Los Angeles County Fair, Pomona, CA

Address: 1101 W. McKinley Ave.,Pomona,CA, 91768

Website: http://5kfoamfest.com/Location/Index/18

All Roads Lead To Foam!!! The 5k Foam Fest is the newest and craziest race to hit the nation! Smiling and running don’t usually go hand in hand but the 5K Foam Fest is an amazing mix of foam, mud and obstacles thus making fitness fun. Whether you… more

Kid Ink & Dorrough Live

Date: Sunday, August 18, 2013

Time: 10:00 PM

Venue: Playhouse Hollywood, Los Angeles, CA

Address: 6506 Hollywood Blvd.,Los Angeles,CA, 90028-5444

50th Anniversary MLK Jr. ‘Symphony of Brotherhood’ C…

Date: Sunday, August 18, 2013

Time: 3:00 PM

Venue: Zipper Concert Hall, Los Angeles, CA

Address: 200 S. Grand Ave.,Los Angeles,CA, 90026

Websitehttp://www.musicuntold.com

Chamber music concert celebrating 50th Anniversary March on Washington for Freedom & Jobs and Dr. King’s “I Have A Dream” speech featuring national and local classical and opera artists. Title of concert,MLK Jr. ‘Symphony of Brotherhood,’is a… more

Fruit Warriors

Date: Sunday, August 18, 2013

Time: 12:00 PM

Venue: Lakeview Park, Orange, CA

Address: 5305 E. Santiago Canyon Rd.,Orange,CA, 92869

Fruit Warriors for more information. Welcome to the biggest fruit fight on Earth! At the world’s first ever premiere assorted fruit battle event, expect the unexpected! – TONS of fruits of all kinds and thousands of warriors to throw them at! – Live… more

The Newport Dunes: Sundays Are For Car Lovers

Date: Sunday, August 18, 2013

Time: 7:00 AM

Venue: Newport Dunes Waterfront Resort & Marina, Newport Beach, CA

Address: 1131 Back Bay Dr.,Newport Beach,CA, 92660

Websitehttp://www.newportdunes.com/

Every Sunday 7 a.m. – 10 a.m. from April 7th to October 27th the public is invited to the Octane Car show featuring classics, rare productions, exotics, and customs all on the Newport Beach harbor. Also included at the Octane Car show is a fine art display and a fabulous Buffet Brunch at the Back Bay Bistro 9 a.m. to 2 p.m.

Turtle Ridge Sunset Hike

Date: Sunday, August 18, 2013

Time: 6:30 PM to 8:30 PM

Venue: Bommer Canyon Trailhead, Irvine, CA

Address: 6400 Shady Canyon Dr.,Irvine,CA, 92612

Websitehttp://www.letsgooutside.org/activities

Join us on this 4-mile evening hike to the top of Turtle Ridge for spectacular sunset views of the Pacific coastline, central Orange County, and surrounding mountains.

Squares Need Not Apply!

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I have only been in a handful of relationships and only one has lasted longer than six months.  Most have been ok but this one really SUCKED.  I always look back at that one and ask myself, WHY? The only positives from that relationship were she lived really close to my college, the pizza spot next door was THEE SHIT, and she had the NFL Network and football season was just starting.  This is sounding really bad but eff it.  The chick was just ok looking, she could not cook, her personality was shitty, neither my mom nor my friends liked her, and the sex was WACK!

That was actually the biggest issue for me. It was so damn boring. I really really love sex so you know it is bad when I’m turning it down.  Even worse, she was having the time of her life. As far as she was concerned the sex was amazing.  I’m adventurous. Let’s do it here, there, and everywhere (I have some stories to tell!). But this woman would not let me touch her outside of the bedroom.  When I say outside of the bedroom, I mean not even on the couch in the living room!  I remember heading back home from San Diego with her and I tried to get my pinky stinky.  This chick looked at me like I was crazy and said someone might see us. WHO CARES?! Those people don’t know us, they will never see us again, and we are driving 75 mph! I really disliked her.  Her life is just stupid.

A square chick will either be a single one or one that gets cheated on.  I didn’t actually cheat on her, but it was on my mind ALL THE TIME. The first and only woman I have ever wanted to cheat on.  I couldn’t take it anymore. I had to break if off ASAP. Anyway, I met a young lady pretty much the same day I broke up with the ex. She was only in town for a week, but in that week she did EVERYTHING I wanted that ex-girlfriend to do. I’m talking sex on the beach BEFORE sunset, head in the parking lot, and yes my pinky got plenty stinky while rolling around the city.

I do not care if you are the finest woman in the world, you cannot be too fine to get nasty for your dude.  That pretty shit means nothing after a while.  Don’t be surprised when your dude is hanging out with that wildebeest because she got that FIYAH that you were lacking. Now I’m not saying you need to be a porn star, but don’t be a damn square.  Attack us once in awhile. Give us some ‘just because’ head. Hey I’m watching TV, and then POW my chick throws my Johnson in her mouth.  That’s the kind of stuff I’m talking about. This doesn’t cost any money and I promise your dude will appreciate the hell out of you.  Step out of that square ass box, watch some porn, and take some notes.

First Date Nightmares!

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A few people felt like the First Date Guidelines were common sense and I personally feel like they should be. I guess common sense is not all that common these days. Here are some first date horror stories that a few ladies shared with me. This is PROOF that the guidelines were needed!

Here goes the first one.

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“I met this guy at a friend’s birthday party and we exchanged information, he asked if I wanted to watch the Lakers championship finals at ESPN Zone, I was free and agreed to go. Here is where everything starts to go downhill. He said he lived close to the Staple Center and asked if I could pick him up. If I wasn’t so bored this particular day the answer would have been hell no, but I agreed and picked him up. He then directs me to a pay parking lot, I pull in and the parking attendant comes up to the car hands me a ticket and is waiting to be paid. I sat there waiting for my date to get his wallet out to pay, after all he directed me to the damn pay lot, not street parking or somewhere less expensive. He sat there oblivious to what’s going on so I paid the attendant. Once parked we get out the car and he has the nerve to say “oh you paid already?” I wanted to slap the taste out his mouth! We walk into ESPN Zone and we are told since it’s the NBA finals there is minimum $10.00 per person, per hour mandatory special. The hostess and waiter made this very clear, but not to my date who was too busy on his phone to listen. So we order, we eat, and everything is ok. His friend and his date even stop by for a few minutes. The waiter was very cool, he wasn’t sweating us on the $10.00 per person, but after an hour or so he did let us know we needed to order something else or pay the bill and leave. The game was almost over so we decided to pay and leave. This fool looks at the bill and starts sweating bullets; I see the panic all over his face. The check was about $50 and I can see in his wallet he only has a $20 bill. He was like “I’m going to call my boy to come back and let me borrow some money”. It was taking a while for his friend to reply or answer his call, and the waiter kept coming over to collect the check. This idiot sets the $20 with the check and when the waiter comes back around he lets him take it knowing damn well the full amount wasn’t there. The waiter comes back like “I need the remaining balance”. At this point I’m embarrassed and ready to go. I grab the check and put my credit card down. When the waiter brings me my receipt I leave a nice tip and write an apology. My date sees what I’m writing and says how he owes me and will pay me back, etc. As we leave I turn to the waiter and mouth “I’m sorry”. He looks at me with pity and was like “its ok”. Once back to my car this fool is trying to cupcake and even tried to get a kiss in, uh no! I told him I couldn’t drop him off and left. After that night he kept calling and texting trying to make up for that night and of course he got ignored.”

First of all this guy is the ultimate loser.  He is really just failing at life.  I just don’t get this dude. Why didn’t he just say meet me there since he stays near Staple Center? WHY go on the date in the first place if you’re broke?! And WHAT THE FUCK was he thinking when he put that 20 dollar bill in there knowing that it wasn’t going to cover the check?!  I really wish I could have been sitting at the table next to them watching this all go down.  The signs were there from the start.  He asked to get picked up and then doesn’t even pay for parking!  After all this he still tries go get some affection.  Gotta love his short term memory. Dude didn’t give two fucks about being probably the worst date this woman’s ever had because he was still gonna try to get one in.

Another story from a ‘horrible first date’ victim.

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“I agreed to go on a date with this handsome guy I recently met at a local bar.  I had started to feel under the weather, but really didn’t want to cancel.  I let him know that it may be best to postpone so that he doesn’t get ill , but he assured me he would be very happy to see me for as long as I was willing.  He was having a dinner party with random friends later that evening.   

I went pre-party, as I was feeling worse and worse by the hour, and to also avoid having to meet any of this friends on a first date, esp while I was feeling like crap.  Initially, he really pulled out all the stops.  Made me fresh tea.  Soup.  All the get-better-soon fixins’ – and all while he is preparing this feast for his friends.  A gentleman and he can cook?  I was impressed.  

Fast-forward a couple of hours and some meds and tea (I brought the meds, I think it was Dayquil) he is taking a break as food simmers and sits by me and we are chatting.  He goes in to kiss me.  Initially, I use the excuse of “I’m sick” again.  He responds with “I don’t care”.  (Yes, the no-no list is getting longer – but in my defense, I hadn’t had a kiss quite some time, and it was yummy.)   This kiss is very soon a pretty heavy make out session.  I am a tad lightheaded (yes it was good but not that good, remember I was sick), so I sort of pull away to catch my breath.  He gets up from his seat next to me, and walks away while complimenting me on my lips and kissing ability.  I use his getting up, as my queue to politely exit – its gone WAY further than any first date I’d prefer. 

I don’t know where he went however, but we are talking through the walls.  I tell him I am feeling pretty badly, I think I am going to leave. 

He returns to the living room with his pants off.  Underwear off.  Dick hard and out.  “You sure you want to leave all this??”

WHAT?!! WHO SAYS THAT??

I felt like I’d def contributed to the confusion, so I didn’t go off (although that was so MANY things), and I just said “Yeah No.  I’m good.  I’m def not going there.”  So he says, “OK lets just masturbate together.” 

Man, if you could have been in my head at that moment.  

It ended pretty well for him.  As soon as he’d said it, he literally started jacking off.  After I realized I was not hallucinating, I began collecting my things.  He was still going.  By the time I hit the door, he was done. 

WHO DOES THAT??

And yes, I cut that fool off.  This is not a porn movie dumb ass.”  

This is so HILARIOUS! I’m with you my friend, WHO DOES THAT?! There were quite a few first date crimes committed here. She should NOT have gone to his house. This is not a good move on the first date or even for the first few dates. If you go to a guy’s house on the first date he is probably thinking there is a pretty good chance that he may end up pouncing that night.  I didn’t really touch on kissing but if you do, it should at least happen at the end of the date.   Making out a little bit on the couch is still no excuse for him coming out of the room porno style on you.  I guess I’m not too mad at the dude. Sometimes you just have to take a shot and I must say this fool shot from half court on this one.  Fuckin idiot.

He is our last victim but honestly she should take the blame for this one.

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“I had to let you know about the worst first date EVER! I met this guy through a mutual friend. He was really handsome and seemed really cool. He asked me out to the movies and I was all for it. I will never forget this night! This idiot showed up at my door for our first date totally drunk. When I opened the door he could barely stand straight and was slurring. I should have shut it down right then and there, but for some reason I agreed to go to the movies with this fool and five minutes into the movie he was knocked out, snoring and everything. Needless to say that was our first and LAST date.”

This is really really bad. This one is full of first date NO NOs. I have to blame her for this one.  Why why why did she accept to go to the movies?! That was going to be a bad date even if he was sober.  Then he arrives at her home completely sauced! Why did she continue with this date after seeing him in that condition?  Should of just closed the door in his face and turned on a good movie.  We already know he ain’t shit but I must say I’m pretty disappointed in her.  Hope you have learned your lesson and always refer back to the guidelines.

First Date Guidelines- The Dos and Do NOTS

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I actually really enjoy first dates. Maybe it’s just because I’m a people person and I like to socialize.  It could also be that first dates are a challenge and I appreciate a good one. The challenge with first dates (from a guy’s perspective) is to break down her wall and get this young lady to feel comfortable with me.  I want her to enjoy my company and start opening up.  I am not expecting her to reveal too much but opening up a tad will help us get to know each other.Hopefully, that will lead to some good convo and a really good date.  It is very rare that I have a bad first date, primarily, due to the fact that I follow these First Date Guidelines:

BE ON TIME

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These should not be spontaneous plans.  You should know where and when this date is going to take place days ahead so you should not be late.  I live in LA so I understand things do happen and traffic can be unpredictable at times.  When you think you may be tardy, give a call to that person and let them know.  Don’t be a douche and leave them hanging, wondering if you forgot about the date.

GUYS: PICK HER UP UNLESS SHE WANTS TO MEET THERE

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REALLY??? You really just asked this woman if she could come swoop you up for the first date?! If the date even happens it is because she is probably bored out of her mind and hasn’t been on a date in months.  This is just a bad move. Ladies, this is the first date so you should probably meet him there.  (He might have some stalker in him.)

NO MOVIES!

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Be creative. Google some shit. But NEVER and I mean NEVER go to the movies for a first date.  I’m talking to the fellas right here because YOU should be making the first date plans.  Going to the movies is just stupid.  You can’t talk in the movies. You are just sitting there in silence. Smart move buddy. You really got to know her well!

NO TEXTING

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Show some respect for your date and keep your phone in your pocket/purse. A couple hours without your phone will not kill you.  Cancel the damn date if you need to be on your phone that bad. If your date cannot stay off their phone then you have the right to end the date immediately.  I would love for you to just walk off without saying a word. That would be dope! Show them the same respect they are showing you, which is none.

SHUT UP ABOUT YOUR EXES

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YO! Chill on the ex talk.  Nobody wants to hear about your ex. I have even made this mistake but it is clear to me now that this is a no no.  Seriously, no one wants to hear how in love you were with him or her or how crazy he or she was.  You think I want to take a chance dating you after hearing how crazy that ex was?! No thank you. I am not trying to get stalked!

HAVE SOME MANNERS AND CLASS

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I hope by now you know how to eat properly. Chewing with your mouth open is not ok and do NOT eat like you are in a competition. You are not a 5 year old child.  If you get your food first, please wait until your date gets theirs before you start going in.  Remember, servers are in control of the food that you are about to consume, so please don’t be a dickhead to them.  Now you and your date have to worry about saliva being in your food because YOU don’t know how to talk to people. You’re a winner.  I’ll throw this in there as well: DO NOT GET DRUNK! Know your limits. You might want to just keep it at a two drink max folks.

DUTCH???

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Bro, pick up the check! I promise you will not be getting a second date if she is paying for her meal. You certainly don’t deserve one with your dumb ass.  And leave a tip! Women have some damn standards. There is no way in hell you should be splitting the bill on the first date.

HANDS TO YOURSELF

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It is the first date so stop trying to get all touchy feely.  Your aggression is making her uncomfortable and she is thinking about pulling out the pepper spray.  You think what you’re doing is getting you closer to taking her down but it’s not.  While you have that creepy smile on your face, she is really considering making a run for it. Ladies, if you are the one being aggressive then you are probably gonna end up a booty call. Thanks for the vagina.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!

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I know this is the first date and you want to get to know the person but this is not a job interview.  All these back to back questions are unnecessary.  Let the conversation flow. Don’t talk too much, but don’t be boring. If your date is not helping at all with their one word answers then this is going to be a long night.  You may want to find a way to end the night early because they probably suck. And not in a good way.

HOW MANY TIMES ARE YOU GOING TO SAY SHE’S HOT?

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Too many compliments get annoying because after a while they just don’t seem genuine.  It is not even normal to compliment someone that much, you cornball. You said it once and that is plenty. Chillax, buddy!

BE YOU!

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Lastly, be yourself.  Do not put up a front on the first date because you will not be able keep it up for long. It is really not fair to that other person because they are getting to know someone who will not even be around.  The real you will eventually show up and they are going to be very confused.  Your first date should not be at Crustaceans if you are on a Sizzler’s budget. There are plenty of nice restaurants in your price range, just do a little research. I mean what good is being fake doing you anyway? You’re making your job harder than it has to be. Don’t waste your time or theirs. Figure out earlier if you guys are really compatible. If not, better to weed someone out earlier than later.