You’re so cute puppies look at you on the internet!

Love-Letter-5-Gajus-Images-Deposit-600x400

Dear Love,

I really like you. I know you say you are too young to like boys but when it comes to love, it overcomes everything. I know you think I am annoying and a fool, but I am a fool for you. Since I fall a lot, do you have a Band-Aid? If you don’t it’s alright, I just scrape my knee falling for you. When I see you, it’s like an earthquake or did you rock my world? When you sneeze I would say God bless you, but it looks like he did already. You are so hot even the leaves fall for you. You’re so cute puppies look at you on the internet. You are really nice. When I am sad, you make me happy. I don’t know what I would do without you. You are probably going to say no, but will you go couple skating with me? We don’t have to hold hands. Well now you know how I feel.

This is a real love letter from a 10 year old boy to the daughter of a friend of mine. First of all this kid is either going to be a killer with the ladies or he is going to be one devoted man to one special lady. I would love to say the game is strong but I truly believe that he sincerely meant every single word in this letter. He needs to start writing poems, songs, or greeting cards because his hyperbole game is off the charts. When I first read this letter I thought it was the best love letter ever written. The kid said “When you sneeze I would say God bless you, but it looks like he did already.” It doesn’t get much better than that. I shared this letter with everyone I knew. It was just so hilarious and heartfelt! Only recently did it hit me that I don’t know too many men that would ever put themselves out there like this. Personally never would I ever do anything like this. My thinking was I’m way too cool and tough for some shit like this. But to be honest, the one who expresses his true feelings is actually the brave one.

We have all been there! You met a woman who opened your eyes to a whole new world. Everything about her grabbed your attention. From her walk, to her laugh, to how her eyes opened just a little wider when she was truly interested in your take on a particular subject. For once you paid attention to everything about a woman. You’re fuckin hooked! The woman could damn near get y’all in a car accident, but you’re just thinking how cute it is that her ass can’t drive for shit (and that you’ll be doing majority of the driving here on out). You want to share all these feelings with her. You want to give her all these details because you want to see her face light up with excitement and possibility, BUT YOU’RE FUCKING SCARED!

What if she doesn’t respond the way you hope she does? What if you find out this woman who is making this great impression on you just sees you as another guy? Yo that will fuckin suck monkey balls! It is going to break you down. You’re gonna be sick! This whole time you could have just played it safe and acted like you didn’t give a fuck. You probably still would have at least got some pussy out of it. Hey, that’s what your cool ass has been doing all these years. Why would you change up now?? You change up now because you want a different feeling. You want a different type of satisfaction. You want to be super excited to be doing absolutely nothing with this woman. Her presence is it. The thought of seeing her later that evening is allowing you to walk through the battlefield at work unscathed. Yo take the chance. Show some bravery. It won’t be the end of the world if it doesn’t turn out the way you want. It’s gon hurt like a muthafucka but you’ll be straight. Think about the possibilities if it turns out exactly how you want. Now wouldn’t that be fucking amazing!

 

F*** Valentine’s Day…just kidding!

valentine's day

I seriously did NOT want to make a post about Valentine’s Day but since the blog is called Joe Dates I feel like I had to. So here it is, F*** Valentine’s Day! I’m kidding. I’m not bitter at all that I don’t have valentine because that shit can kill your pockets. For those of you that do have one, this day should not be super special. I’m saying this because there should have been multiple days throughout the past year that you showed your significant other your appreciation and love for them. Now it’s a little different if you just recently started dating someone. This is when you gotta step your game up and show them all the awesomtacularness (awesome and spectacular combined to create a super word) that comes with being with an expert level human being like yourself.

Now if you have been a relationship for a significant amount of time let’s examine your situation. Do you suck? I mean seriously, are you just a wack piece of crap that does nothing special for your mate. Notice I’m not being gender specific because this is a two way street. We like to feel special too ladies so get off your ass and stop thinking this day is all about you. I better at least get some new house slippers (the corduroy slippers from the swapmeet). Now back to examining your wackness. When was the last time you two went on a date? You have to continuously do these things. Without the dating, consistent appreciative gestures, and plain old affection, your relationship will wither and die. You don’t want to have to remind them why they got with you in the first place. This should be evident from your everyday dealings. Now I am NOT hitting you with the “everyday is Valentine’s Day” bullshit. That is just not realistic. What I am saying is that you do need to make sure your mate feels special on a consistent basis. If you know she likes flowers then my dude make it a point to bring home her favorite flowers once in a while. Miss lady, if you are passing by SK Donuts on 3rd street and I’m not on a diet, then grab me that cronut and blueberry donut that you know I love. Do you know what I would do to you if you did this? First, I would shed one tear. Next, I would turn you into a donut and go to town on that ass! Gestures like that mean so much, simple things go a long way. The fact that you have showed your mate they are constantly on your mind will make Valentine’s Day just another day. Another day to show EACH OTHER that you give a damn. All that being said…If you have a problem with any of this then you should probably not be in that relationship….or with anyone for that matter because you’re wack. They aren’t special enough to you.

Time to get to the newbies. When it’s this early it’s definitely mostly on the guy. We have to do all the planning and spending. Only thing expected out of the ladies is a card, sexy lingerie that we probably won’t notice because we just want you naked, and some “I appreciate you” head. Fellas my advice here is to pay attention to the woman. Take note of what she likes. Don’t take her to an expensive seafood restaurant thinking you’re doing big shit and then find out she is allergic to shellfish. PAY ATTENTION! This will go a long way. If she told you her favorite flower is a tiger lily and she can’t stand roses then don’t be a dumbass and buy 2 dozen roses because it looked like the thing to do on Valentine’s Day. It’s really not difficult but if you are having trouble in this department, then ask her the questions NOW. Next thing is be creative. I will admit that I am not a naturally creative person. What I do is use what someone else has done prior and then put my Joe Dates twist on it. I twist that bitch up to the point that you won’t notice the original plan. Bro, google is your friend, use it. You really don’t have to spend a ton of money if you get creative. I was going to make this post all about Valentine’s Day tips but I refuse. I will let you get your google on and see what you can come up with. If that still doesn’t help then leave a comment or email me at therealjoedates@gmail.com and I will give you some really good tips. You’re welcome.

This post is less about Valentine’s Day and more about making someone you care about feel special and appreciated. With google and other options at your disposal there is no reason at all to have a boring and generic Valentine’s Day or dating life in general. Step your shit up and get excited about trying to impress your mate. Lastly, make sure you tear that ass up at the end of the night. No Valentine’s Day is complete without some good cake pounding.

I’m going to get you started and leave you a few links. I will give this one tip, you prepare the V day dinner or hire a chef for the night (this could be your cousin or aunt that cooks hella good that ain’t got shit to do on Valentine’s Day).

http://www.esquire.com/lifestyle/sex/g439/fun-cheap-date-ideas/

http://www.askmen.com/valentines_day/moves_to_arouse/11-sensual-valentine-s-day-ideas.html

http://www.timeout.com/los-angeles/valentines-day

http://ideas.thenest.com/holidays/valentines-day/slideshows/valentines-day-date-night-ideas.aspx