In my last post I shared one of my fuck buddy experiences and I kept bringing up rules. Some of you may be wondering what those rules are or why there are rules in the first place. Having a fuck buddy can get complicated without rules. These rules keep the participating parties in check. You do not want to confuse a fuck buddy with any other type of romantic relationship. This will lead to someone being hurt. To further understand, here are the rules:
NO AFFECTIONATE TOUCHING
– I don’t even kiss my fuck buddies but that may be extreme to some. For all, there is no cuddling and hugging, no holding hands, and no resting heads on shoulders. If you need all that then go get a boyfriend or girlfriend. Affectionate crap like this will lead to emotions.
NO EMOTIONS/NEVER GET ATTACHED
– This probably should have been number one, but there should be absolutely no emotions involved. This agreement is purely physical satisfaction. You are here for an orgasm folks, that’s it. Do NOT care about them. If you have feelings for the person don’t even try to become fuck buddies. If you are growing feelings then this agreement has been voided. This is going to be a problem for many of you ladies and some of you guys. Proceed with caution if you are known for catching feelings. Actually, just don’t do it at all.
IT’S AT EACH OTHER’S CONVENIENCE
– You cannot get mad if the other person isn’t free or if they have to cancel plans. This is NOT a relationship and you two are not dating. Setting aside time for you is not a requirement and there is no need to ever give an explanation. Leave all that complaining for whoever is unlucky enough to date you.
– What is there to talk about??? Nothing but what new position you might want to try. They are not your counselor so don’t talk about life with them, and please don’t bring up who else you are dating. NO ONE CARES. GET NAKED. Seriously, the less you talk, the less likely you are to catch feelings. One more thing about convos, NEVER EVER say I miss you. That phrase equates to you no longer wanting to just be fuck buddies.
NO MEETING FRIENDS/FAMILY
– If you see me out and about please act like you don’t know me. If I’m with my friends or fam there will be no introductions. Just keep it pushing and text me around midnight. There is no reason at all for you to meet them and there is definitely no reason for them to know who you are.
NO SPENDING THE NIGHT
– Get your ass up and go home! I don’t care how tired you are. When you are finished doing the do, you must leave. There is no waking up to breakfast and watching morning cartoons together. No sir/ma’am, put on your clothes and kick rocks.
– We don’t need to be seen out in public together. This situation is for sex, so go catch a movie or get a drink with someone else. Now when you get a little tipsy send me that text and see if I’m free for a session.
NO POP UP VISITS
– There is absolutely no reason to ever pop up at the other person’s house. You are never just in the neighborhood and if you really happen to be in that neighborhood then LEAVE. If you come close to doing this then this is a situation you are surely not cut out for.
– Stay strapped folks. Protection is a must. You don’t know what they having going on. You two don’t talk much. All you do is have sex occasionally. With that in mind, ALWAYS use protection. And who wants to impregnate a fuck buddy?! That would be tragic.
BE A FREAK
– Being a freak is relative. So all this means is be freaky enough to satisfy your fuck buddy or what’s the point of having one. Try things out on each other. Think of this as really great practice getting you ready for your future mate. You are going to be THE SHIT when you finally get one.
– Keep it honest at all times. There is no reason to ever lie. Remember there aren’t any emotions or feelings involved so there is no reason to spare the other party’s feelings. Lying is completely unnecessary.
LIMIT SOCIAL MEDIA CONTACT
– Please don’t like every single picture or comment on every post on the various social media sites. Some outside party is going to start assuming something and you want to keep your business between just the two of you. To avoid any questioning it might be smart to completely stay away from each other on those sites. So that means no following and no friend requests.
NO LEAVING CRAP BEHIND
– Grab all your clothes and trinkets. No one needs to know you were once at my residence. If you are doing this on purpose then please jump in a real relationship and go ruin that person’s life you loser.
NO PET NAMES
– I’m not your baby, boo, or sweetheart. This is a NO NO. If these names are uttered I’m going to need you to grab your shit and run! This agreement has officially taken a wrong turn so get out as fast as you can.
– There is never an occasion where you two are going to be celebrating something together so there should never be any gifts given or received. Oh, Valentines Day is coming up? So what! This is not who you should be celebrating that day with. If this person even pops up in your head during Valentines Day or any holiday where gifts are exchanged then you need to move on.
KNOW WHO YOU ARE
– This is the most important rule. You must know if this is something that you can handle. This is not for everybody. Some people cannot detach their emotions from a sexual relationship. If this is you then don’t even chance it. If you are not being honest with yourself then you for damn sure aren’t going to be honest with your future fuck buddy or should I call them future running for their life ex fuck buddy. That is going to be a complete FAIL.
Take heed to these rules and there is no harm in referring back to them later if you have forgotten a couple. Always remember to proceed with caution. Good luck folks.
9 thoughts on “F*** Buddy Rules”
I am always appalled at the fact that people can share their genitals & bodily juices, and consider kissing off limits and too intimate. Your genitals and nakedness are much more intimate than any other part of your body! It’s backwards, but then again so are f– buddies. No thanks.
Kissing means so much more because you aren’t getting an orgasm from it. A men gets no sexual pleasure from kissing. A woman may get wet but no orgasm. A kiss doesn’t equal sex while it can equal I care, I like, or I love you.
Comedy, yet so true!
Yeah that true FB rules right there
Jenn its right a FB there nothing to talk about walk in drop your pants pull up the dress get wild and say have a nice day till next time
Staying trying to talk how you start falling and then your break the FB rules
Bahaha at “whoever is unlucky enough to date you”. Wow Giuseppe, you are such a connoisseur at this!
OMG…this is so ridiculous! LOL so mean
How is this ridiculous and/or mean???
Because, you said after you are done you tell them to “kick rocks” geez that’s kinda harsh. And if you so happened to run into them while you’re w/ friends or fam, why can’t you just introduce them as your friend also. But this is just my opinion. I’ve been married for 13 1/2 year so I don’t know about no “rules” for this kind of stuff.
I didn’t say I would tell them to kick rocks, they would KNOW to kick rocks. It is part of the rules. It’s all about sex and once that is over it is time to go. They are not your friend, they are your fuck buddy. They don’t need to know anything about your friends or Fam