I actually really enjoy first dates. Maybe it’s just because I’m a people person and I like to socialize.  It could also be that first dates are a challenge and I appreciate a good one. The challenge with first dates (from a guy’s perspective) is to break down her wall and get this young lady to feel comfortable with me.  I want her to enjoy my company and start opening up.  I am not expecting her to reveal too much but opening up a tad will help us get to know each other.Hopefully, that will lead to some good convo and a really good date.  It is very rare that I have a bad first date, primarily, due to the fact that I follow these First Date Guidelines:

BE ON TIME

These should not be spontaneous plans.  You should know where and when this date is going to take place days ahead so you should not be late.  I live in LA so I understand things do happen and traffic can be unpredictable at times.  When you think you may be tardy, give a call to that person and let them know.  Don’t be a douche and leave them hanging, wondering if you forgot about the date.

GUYS: PICK HER UP UNLESS SHE WANTS TO MEET THERE

REALLY??? You really just asked this woman if she could come swoop you up for the first date?! If the date even happens it is because she is probably bored out of her mind and hasn’t been on a date in months.  This is just a bad move. Ladies, this is the first date so you should probably meet him there.  (He might have some stalker in him.)

NO MOVIES!

Be creative. Google some shit. But NEVER and I mean NEVER go to the movies for a first date.  I’m talking to the fellas right here because YOU should be making the first date plans.  Going to the movies is just stupid.  You can’t talk in the movies. You are just sitting there in silence. Smart move buddy. You really got to know her well!

NO TEXTING

Show some respect for your date and keep your phone in your pocket/purse. A couple hours without your phone will not kill you.  Cancel the damn date if you need to be on your phone that bad. If your date cannot stay off their phone then you have the right to end the date immediately.  I would love for you to just walk off without saying a word. That would be dope! Show them the same respect they are showing you, which is none.

SHUT UP ABOUT YOUR EXES

YO! Chill on the ex talk.  Nobody wants to hear about your ex. I have even made this mistake but it is clear to me now that this is a no no.  Seriously, no one wants to hear how in love you were with him or her or how crazy he or she was.  You think I want to take a chance dating you after hearing how crazy that ex was?! No thank you. I am not trying to get stalked!

HAVE SOME MANNERS AND CLASS

I hope by now you know how to eat properly. Chewing with your mouth open is not ok and do NOT eat like you are in a competition. You are not a 5 year old child.  If you get your food first, please wait until your date gets theirs before you start going in.  Remember, servers are in control of the food that you are about to consume, so please don’t be a dickhead to them.  Now you and your date have to worry about saliva being in your food because YOU don’t know how to talk to people. You’re a winner.  I’ll throw this in there as well: DO NOT GET DRUNK! Know your limits. You might want to just keep it at a two drink max folks.

DUTCH???

Bro, pick up the check! I promise you will not be getting a second date if she is paying for her meal. You certainly don’t deserve one with your dumb ass.  And leave a tip! Women have some damn standards. There is no way in hell you should be splitting the bill on the first date.

HANDS TO YOURSELF

It is the first date so stop trying to get all touchy feely.  Your aggression is making her uncomfortable and she is thinking about pulling out the pepper spray.  You think what you’re doing is getting you closer to taking her down but it’s not.  While you have that creepy smile on your face, she is really considering making a run for it. Ladies, if you are the one being aggressive then you are probably gonna end up a booty call. Thanks for the vagina.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!

I know this is the first date and you want to get to know the person but this is not a job interview.  All these back to back questions are unnecessary.  Let the conversation flow. Don’t talk too much, but don’t be boring. If your date is not helping at all with their one word answers then this is going to be a long night.  You may want to find a way to end the night early because they probably suck. And not in a good way.

HOW MANY TIMES ARE YOU GOING TO SAY SHE’S HOT?

Too many compliments get annoying because after a while they just don’t seem genuine.  It is not even normal to compliment someone that much, you cornball. You said it once and that is plenty. Chillax, buddy!

BE YOU!

Lastly, be yourself.  Do not put up a front on the first date because you will not be able keep it up for long. It is really not fair to that other person because they are getting to know someone who will not even be around.  The real you will eventually show up and they are going to be very confused.  Your first date should not be at Crustaceans if you are on a Sizzler’s budget. There are plenty of nice restaurants in your price range, just do a little research. I mean what good is being fake doing you anyway? You’re making your job harder than it has to be. Don’t waste your time or theirs. Figure out earlier if you guys are really compatible. If not, better to weed someone out earlier than later.