Tag Archives: superbad

Where It All Began

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ImageThe girl, it is all about the girl. And not just that one girl, we want them all. Since day one we were told that’s what it’s about. We were told this by our brothers, cousins, friends, and even our fathers.  I was barely 10 years old when my older cousins were asking me, “Joey, you get you some pussy yet?”  When I felt that question was coming, my stomach started cramping up with anxiety and embarrassment.  I remember wanting to run away every time it was asked.  I was only fucking 10!!! Hell no I hadn’t tapped any ass yet.  In the beginning, I was ok with saying, no.  But when I turned 12 it was no longer ok to be a virgin. Oh boy was this some pressure.  I always knew when that damn question was coming.  At 12 I just went ahead and started lying. I learned early that you must have those lies straight because you are going to have to tell at least five more. You are also going to have to come up with some names and a legitimate reason why you can’t call that girl to confirm that you got them cakes. My lies SUCKED but I did what a real man does and I stuck to them! My cousins knew I was lying my ass off. But I kept those lies coming. I would like to apologize to Tanisha, Aja, Danielle, and Ebony because I had sex with all y’all in the 8th grade according to the stories I told my big cousins.

My cousins were so hard on me that when the questions came from my peers, lying was a piece of cake. I would say things like; “Hell yeah I’m fuckin. My girl goes to Palisades and the other one goes to Hamilton.” You always had to pick a school that was just far enough away from your school so that no one you told this lie to had any connections at these schools. And if they did know someone there, you better be ready for some follow up lies.  All I knew at this time was that being a man meant fucking the most girls, period.  It was all about getting the cat. This pursuit ran my life! This is all my boys and I ever talked about. Some of them were getting it, but my best friend Kevin and I surely were not. We couldn’t get a break! The girls were letting us do everything but STICK THE TIP IN! I still remember my fingers cramping up hoping that this would eventually lead to me officially dropping my membership in the “dry dick gang”.

This chase was real. The thing that really sucked was we were actually pretty popular. Well Kevin was way more popular than me. But since I was his best friend I was destined to get some sidekick ass, right?  And BOOM that is exactly what happened.  We were 18 (yes, I did not lose my virginity until I was 18 so eat a fat one) and by this time Kevin had already knocked down a couple girls.  I, on the other hand, used my other hand.  I can’t tell you how tired I was of lying about not being a virgin?! Anyway, one of the girls Kevin was dating had that trusty ol’ sidekick.  He was house-sitting for his god mother and he got his chick and her sidekick to come through and stay the night with us. Little miss fast ass, hot in the pants (double standards are here to stay so deal with it) didn’t know me at all but as long as I was cute she was down.  Kevin and I knew my time had come! I finally got my first piece of tang! Wooohooo! I felt so free. The details of the actual night are for another entry. Just know I was super wack, it was over in seconds, and it was the start of the lame dick excuses. Now this didn’t really get the ball rolling too much. I wasn’t knocking them down left and right. I was getting some every few months, which is crazy because I’d lose it if I went longer than a couple weeks without some now. Now that I had finally experienced what I had been lying about for years, the chase was truly on. I may have only been getting some every few months, but damn I was putting in some crazy effort to get the girl or girls. That’s what being a man is all about, right?

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